March 31, 2016

march postcard

My doctor showed me the graph. You know, the fertility graph. The one that shows a dramatic drop from the age of 35. She didn't just pull it out of nowhere. She asked me a leading question first. She asked me if we were planning on having children (she's also an obstetrician so has an interest in these things). I said not at the moment, but if something were to happen then we'd be cool with it. She said that's the way most people feel, that she didn't want to scare me, but wanted me to know what I was facing as I slouch towards 40. That's when she showed me, on a laminated piece of A4. 

Australia Post Box Bowser Parade Sandgate

February 29, 2016

february postcard

I did the Lee Lin Chin lunar zodiac for the year of the monkey. She told me that I was creative person, but I work as an accountant and I need to quit. True. I'm 3 weeks into my last subject and I'm halfway through the study materials (there's 8 weeks to go). I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing. Maybe I'm just super keen to get this shit over with. I've also just passed the 90 working days left to go for the work experience component (I've been counting down since the start of the year). And then I think I really will follow Lee Lin Chin's advice.

Australia Post Box Albury Street, Deagon.

January 18, 2016

january postcard

I lit a candle for him. I think a part of me thought that he would never die. I don't remember the first song. I remember being scared watching the Labyrinth. I remember the references in the Young Ones, but by then I knew the lyrics. I remember smiling while seeing Zoolander. I remember meeting M and raiding his music collection and discovering a new list of songs I didn't know I loved. I remember singing in the car on our 2 hour trips between Launceston and Hobart. I remember all the songs at our wedding, the lyrics sung by Seu Jorge in Portuguese. He was my pinnacle. Everyone else was pale in comparison. And now he is gone. I am so lucky to have bee alive at the same time as David Bowie.

Australia Post Box Albury Street, Deagon.

december postcard (belated)

It felt like waking up. The world was distant, far away. I was shaking, or my leg was at least. My knee rocking back and forth as if it was going to collapse beneath me. But I was safe. Something was supporting me. Then I heard my name and I was back. M was right in front of me, his face close, asking if I was OK. His arm was wrapped around me, strong. 'That was weird. I think I need to sit down.' We walked together to find a chair. M went to get me some water while I sat and thought how lucky I was that he had been there to stop me fall.

Australia Post Box Albury Street, Deagon

January 4, 2016

november postcard (belated)

I have a speed bump in my head. The not unusual type. The one that tells me I'm fat, I'm ugly, I'm dumb. I know not to listen, but still it has tripped my up and has left me standing still. Ignoring it doesn't work. The only way to get my momentum back is to face it head on and risk a fall. Need to remember I'm brave. Need to remember that I can do hard things.

Australia Post Box Bowser Parade, Sandgate

November 3, 2015

october postcard

Lying in the surgery, looking at the polystyrene ceiling tiles, glad I put JoJo under 'preferred name' not realising how much relief a name I chose for myself would provide in a place that produces so much anxiety. The door opens and the nurse comes back in pushing a metal trolley with instruments that tinkle as she walks. She apologises for the delay and checks the foam wedge beneath my right shoulder. The doctor comes in. I expect her to call me JoJo but she calls me buttons instead and for a moment I smile and forget about the biopsy she is about to take from the lump in my right breast.

Australia Post Box Albury Street, Deagon.

October 1, 2015

september postcard

Funny thing: doing hard things is hard. Obvious, but living with doubt and taking hit after hit does mess with your perspective. Need to pick myself up and do the thing I think I cannot do. Need to keep on swimming. Need to have faith in myself. Need to remember the bigger goal. Hard things are hard.

Australia Post Box Stanley Street, East Brisbane